Monday, March 14, 2011

Night Vision

One of the weapons in my super hero arsenal is night vision. I don't need any special accessories, oh no. I've developed this sense through years of stalking the streets at night. Unaided by artificial lighting or gimicky goggle-like technology, I have trained my eyes to see like a cat. Sure, I had to trip over my fair share of flower pots and electrical chords in the beginning, but that seldom happens any more. My pupils dilate to the diameter of a family sized can of pork & beans on command. Green Berets ain't got nothin' on me.

By the time you leave for work at 6am, my highly sensitive pupils have been in the zone for about 3 hours. So unless you want to see my eye balls burst into flames like Ghost Rider, please refrain from pointing your high beams at me to see what I'm doing. I've had the same car for years. You know I'm delivering your paper. Give me and my corneas a break.